I AM BRAVE, I AM BRUISED, I AM WHO I’M MEANT TO BE!
Have you ever found inspiration and strength in the most unexpected things? Like the way birds still sing in the rain, or a buoy being tossed by a high tide still rises. After being diagnosed with cancer a few months ago, I’ve been humbled to find and appreciate inspiration and strength in the smallest of things. When you have a serious health crisis, sometimes you can run the risk of losing so many things; weight, nails, body parts, confidence, hope, and even control of all of those things you might occasionally take for granted– like hair. The list can be long and overwhelming, and positive inspiration can be a powerful tool against it.
Hello there! This is ME.
I’m only at the beginning of my journey and already it has required so much of me. Like the decision I made to cut my hair as opposed to waking up with it on the pillow or where/whenever else it decides to depart. The thought of losing my hair, even if it is temporary, terrifies me! Let’s face it, society still associates hair with femininity, beauty, and health. However, there are a few things I will not allow this thing to rob me of; that is my faith, hope, and lately the deeper appreciation of being inspired by even the simplest message from unexpected places.
When I think about all the ways cancer can change you, both permanently and temporarily, I think about one of my favorite recent movies, The Greatest Showman. It’s a movie musical loosely based on the life of circus impresario P.T. Barnum. It is not Barnum who I’m inspired by, however, even if his character is played by one of my favorite male stars, Hugh Jackman. P.T. Barnum was someone whose career trafficked in curiosities which he gladly served up to a public hungry for such entertainment, regardless of how unethical such displays were. In spite of the historical inaccuracies, I love the movie’s magnificent visuals, powerful songs, breathtaking choreography, good surround sound, but most of all because of the “curiosities.” Their strength, courage, determination and grace in the face of adversity and not giving up or backing down. Each of them had to make the daily decision to go out into what can be a sometimes-cruel world and be viewed as “the other.”
Here was my hair laying on the floor next to my barber’s, Nate, fashionable tennis shoes after years of pressing, greasing, washing, burning, brushing, dyeing, curling, perming and numerous other hair rituals. It only took 20 minutes even after the love and care Nat gave to the process. I keep telling myself, it’ll grow back!
Wig shopping with my Bestie.
Thank you Deidre!
First cut! Finding the bright side!
My husband, my rock! Celebrating my fresh buzz cut.
Once I find a movie that I like, I can watch it over and over again. It is through my much-loved movies that I often find the inspiration and the strength to move to the next step. And for each of us there is always a next step; where it leads is not always of your own choosing. So, as I celebrate the last few weeks of the love – hate relationship I have with my hair and mourn its temporary loss, I’m inspired by the wet singing bird, the bobbing buoy, and the curiosities in one of my favorite movies to snatch the power from cancer and cut it myself. As a coworker repeatedly reminded me after I shared the news of my diagnosis with him; no matter what happens on this journey, no matter what it takes from you, remember you are you. Cancer can’t change that! Thank you Tru! And as the song in the movie says:
I am brave, I am proof
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ‘cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me!
Love, Edna
Photo love to BClassic Photography
Barber love to Nate Robinson, Owner of FatNate @fatnatedabarber 8626 Liberty Rd,
Randallstown, Maryland 21133
